Christmas!!

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I've been a bit busy with CHRISTMAS! what a beautiful time of year! it has been so much fun to be here with family and spending time with siblings and just relaxing and doing nothing. Such an awesome season. Guess what? I got a camera so now i will probably be putting quite a few more pictures on here which will be grand i think. This year all my siblings were here together. How lucky are we! Here are a few pictures of Christmas day.

The best part of Christmas! I can't take credit for sewing the apron because I bought that, but I can take credit for the oven mitts and the chef hat! We didn't think there would be a chance of getting her to wear the hat but she let us put it on her then became this little model surrounded by the family paparazzi. Cutest thing I have ever seen! She is such a little doll! By the way she also got a kitchen set for Christmas from Santa so that was kind of the theme.

I always worry about giving gifts. You want them to be liked and you want to get something that people will appreciate and used, not just something that will get tossed to the back of the closet. For my brother I purchased an art set. This was really nice to see minutes after he had opened it..

Okay so now i have this problem. I think I want to be an ultra sound tech, but I'm not sure. I've been looking into it and it really seems like something i would want to do, but i don't want to quit Idaho, go to edmonton or calgary, start a whole new program, then discover i absolutely hate it. So I've been trying to do a job shadow while I've been at home, but Radiology Associates is closed all week, and couldn't take me last week. Did I mention I go back to school next week too. And at the hospital they don't allow people with no training. So what do I do. I'm scared to move forward without trying it out a bit, but I need to start moving forward and trying to direct my life. But what if there is something i would rather do in university... I don't know what to do. I wish someone just had all the answers and could just point me in the right direction. Maybe the fact that I haven't been able to get a job shadow is a sign? sometimes I tend to be a bit blind to the obvious directions.

Janet

You know what I love? that its finals week and I don't feel like I am going to die. I mean don't get me wrong, i was stressed but that was more last week. I worked really hard to not only stay on top of things and get all my stuff handed in on time, but I worked to get them handed in early. Days early, a week in one case. Its beautiful because now I am just studying for my last two tests and not completely overwhelmed. On the other hand... I almost wish I was more stressed because then maybe I would be more willing to study rather than writing this post... well too late now.
May i just throw this out there... how can there possibly be so many cute guys in one school. I feel like i'm blushing almost all the time haha
Okay so you want to hear a story about some awesome friends. On Sunday a couple of guys called me up and said, "hey we're going caroling at an old folks home, wanna come?"  First of all how many boys in the college/high school age group would even think of doing something like that. Not many that I know. And even better, yesterday one of the boys calls me and says "hey I promised Betty I would come back and visit her, so I was going to go today. You wanna come?" Not only did he go to the old folks home in the first place but then he was going to go back, because he promised. Did I mention the fact that these ladies don't remember you two minutes into the conversation? What an awesome kid. So I went with him and while he was visiting with Betty I sat down at a table and visited with Janet, Burle, and Marilyn. I had the best time talking to those 3 women. Janet is just a kick in the pants and kept me laughing the entire time! It is so fun to hear about their past and what they think was their past (like I said they can't remember it all correctly). One of the best things about coming to Idaho was meeting people like Brett who don't think about what other people think, but are just good guys all around no matter what. And he's not the only one. there are so many good people in the world i just love it! Dance class was the best class because of the friends I made in it. I hope that I can be that type of person...
I wish I had a picture of Janet with one of those little jam packets balanced on her head!

College Christmas

The other day my roommates and I were feeling sad that it is nearly Christmas and if you were to look at our apartment you really can't tell. So we decided to decorate... these are the results!

Our Beautiful Christmas tree made of green tissue paper! 

Real Live (ish) Mistletoe! any takers? haha 

Amanda's Beautiful Glass Nativity (and syd's coke bottles)

And imagine me looking very excited for Christmas! While really just avoiding studying 

Basically the last caption represents my life in a nutshell. Studying for finals.... or more avoiding studying... Can you blame me though? But I am caught up on all the essays which is a major achievement! now its just studying for the actual tests.. who really needs them anyways lol 

Can I just say that I love teachers who decide they want to make your life easier and just drop assignments, essays, lowest test scores, lowest three assignments. Its a beautiful thing!

By this time next week I will be home! and not just for a weekend. Legitimately home for a whole 2 and a half weeks! what a blessing! and to boot during that two weeks there is Christmas, with caroling and spending time with family and giving all the beautiful gifts i have planned! I'm so excited. Eggnog, singing, Christmas music, life is just great at this time of year!

Also while I am at home I will hopefully be getting one step closer to finding out what I want to do with my life! cross your fingers for me that it all works out, okay? 

P.S. letters are the most amazing thing in the world. isn't it funny how one simple thing can boost your spirits for days?

...Untitled...

I don't know exactly where this post is going to go. I'm just gonna talk.
Life is stressful. I want a boyfriend, but then I think about it and I really don't. I love my life where I am right now. I love school, I love cheer, I love my roommates and being out on my own, but what I want is a Boy  Friend. A guy who I can hang out with and have a really good time. Maybe someone who is a secret crush. Where there is potential, but just not right now, you know? I know it doesn't make sense, but its the way I am feeling right now. I miss the solidarity of my friends at home. You always know that you have people to hang out with and spend your friday night with. No stress, no forced friendship, its just the way it is. Funny thing is I remember being so sick of still being stuck with the same friends all the time and wanting to move on and be with cooler people. I'm such a fool! I miss my cool friends! I'm lucky because I have two of my best-est friends here! I still miss the boys though!
You know who I miss most though, two of the most wonderful girls ever! They are spread out and don't have me and I don't have them. They are growing up and making friends and meeting people who I don't know. I don't get to be there protecting them or sharing in their experiences. They are liking boys and getting in fights and I don't hear about it. I hate that! Its not like I can expect them to update me on every aspect of their lives, we all need to grow up and begin our own separate lives, but I feel like I am missing out on part of my life because I'm not with them. That's silly, I know. The worst thing is when life is hard for them and I can't be there and fix it. My poor girls are going through such hard things, some of the hardest that could ever happen, and I can't help. I don't know how to help. I used to feel like I had a lot of answers. I could understand people and solve problems, but now I don't know what happened. Suddenly the problems got a lot BIGGER. And more lasting. and I don't know how to solve them. I realize now more than ever how little I do know. I have know idea. and that scares me.
Even if I can't fix things I just wish that I could somehow be there for my girls. That I could hug them and cry with them and let them know that it would be okay. even though I don't know how. How do you make someone understand that there are people who love them. How do you take them in and convince them they are wanted and that it won't be awkward. How do you keep a time that should be special... magical when suddenly it is completely different from where you felt the magic before. Everything is different this year for my girls and I just wish I could make it possible to go back.
I am so lucky. I went through my struggles and really life changing hard times when I was younger. The things that happened molded my life and me into who I am. They didn't alter a life I had already built. I built around them, they didn't demolish what I constructed. How do you pick up the rubble and find a way to create something more beautiful than what you had before?

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Patience

I always considered myself to be patient. I mean I don't feel like I'm too spoiled or get everything right away or anything, I work for the things I do get. But I realized lately, that I am so not patient. Okay so I guess I knew it before, I mean one of the reason's I don't cook a lot is because I am too impatient and crank up the heat and then burn stuff, but I thought when it really mattered I was patient. But here is how it really goes.

I give myself a deadline, I say I won't think about it until a certain point, but that is just to make it easier for me to wait longer. Then if whatever I'm waiting for hasn't happened at that point I usually just give up and feel disappointed. Even though that was the point that I said I would actually start waiting at... So basically I wasn't patient at all to begin with. 

Then today I heard something that was said by someone I really admire about patience. He talked about how patience isn't just waiting for something, but its working towards it, or some other worthy goal, while your waiting. Not just sitting around and expecting something to happen, but trying to patiently go about getting there. In some ways it doesn't really make sense to me, but in some ways I think 'huh okay so I'm really not patient at all' 

I don't like to wait. I like to feel gratification if I have done something. not necessarily that instant, but who really enjoys waiting forever. That is really something I need to work on. I mean I remember just waiting for the day I would turn 14, then for the day I would turn 16 and drive and date, then 18 and graduating, now there are all other kinds of things to wait for, and who knows if they will ever come. Being patient has turned into so much more than waiting for Santa. Patience is a virtue and one I definitely don't posses, but I'm working on it. Hopefully it doesn't take too long! :) 

Speaking of Santa... 

Home again home again...

Wow i just don't know what to write about... I could tell you about my week off but I think that would be kind of boring and I'm not sure that I want to talk about it right now. Not that it wasn't WONDERFUL, but I just lived it so I'm not in the mood to rehash. But I did have a really good time!
One weird thing about last weekend was being with older people. Not older as in Senior citizens, but just late 20's kind of thing. kids, married, that stuff. It was weird because I felt young, Okay not that that is weird because i always feel young, but because I hang out with people that age all the time and don't feel young then, so why does it matter now. Its the same when you go home though. At school age doesn't matter, but back in your home-town with the people you grew up with suddenly it does. They remember when you were little and you remember looking at them and thinking 'wow she/he is so old and mature and beautiful' so it just feels weird seeing them now when your equal-ish.
You know what else was weird this weekend, talking to my cousin. We talked about love and getting married and life and its just weird to think about. All my life I've thought about getting married, the dress, the wedding, the guy, things that every little girl dreams of. But now its different. I am graduated, and old enough that when I date guys now I have to think about how serious I want it to get because if it reaches a certain point it could lead to marriage. Now here is my question..
How do you ever know if you have the right guy? I mean you can look around and pick out your favorite eyes, personality, temper, that kind of thing, but there is always the chance that you will be surprised. it seems so impossible to try to find someone and to know that he is close enough to perfect...

Thank Goodness for Thanksgiving!

Wow almost a week without posting. That's odd.
I think that this school is brilliant. I mean what other schools give their students an entire week off for Thanksgiving? Its genius and I am so excited. This last week has been a big one with tests and getting stuff done like picking out classes. I am so looking forward to a week of just relaxing and watching the entire Star Wars series if I can manage it :) I am not going to think about the fact that two weeks after this break I will be facing final exams and finishing cheer and having to get in final assignments and all my cultural events and... oh my. For now I am going to forget it. Although I may try to get all my cultural events requirements finished over the break so that I can have one less thing to worry about in the up coming month. It will be so nice to be down in Utah at someone else's house where they will make me food and I don't have to wake up till noon if I don't want to (that will never happen but the option is nice). BLISS and comfort. for an entire week!
May I say one thing though, how in the world did it already get to be thanksgiving break? where did the semester go? I'm going to have to start new classes and get new professors and three new roommates. I have loved this semester and now I am concerned that everything is going to change. EEK! oh well at least I still have family back home that loves me and Micahlyn and Amanda are sticking around!!

...Life...

this is probably going to seem like a very chill post compared to my last few rants. I seriously feel like I have major mood swings lately. One second I am ridiculously happy, walking home from class and feeling great, but then suddenly, WHAM! I'm just feeling homesick and stressed out and tired. It is completely a choice I think. I just let myself not do things and not be busy. When I am busy I enjoy life. I am working towards a goal, but it is when I let myself go off course and waste time that I start to feel down. I really need to stop doing that. 

Right now I'm going to take a moment to feel sorry for myself then the rest of the weekend I am going to accomplish something. I miss my sisters, I miss my mom, I miss my dad, I miss my brothers, I wish I could be there with Matt and talk to him, I miss Home. 

Now that is done. I am going to spend this weekend getting ready for next week. I have an American Foundations test that I would really love to knock out of the park! We got our first tension analysis paper back and we did really well on it! I was especially excited because I felt like I had a really big part in writing it.... like doing most of it... so it was great! We are going to have to do one more of those next week and hopefully we can even improve~. I have finished all my BofM homework for next week so I won't have to worry about that this weekend! But I do have a big Heroic Journey music test. We have to be able to recognize 25 classical music pieces, state their name, composer, and the style. It is really kind of tough but a good thing to learn!

Biggest thing I have to do this weekend is figure out what classes I want to take next semester. Sign ups are Monday and I don't know what I want/need to take. I am really enjoying the classes I have this semester and I am not looking forward to starting a whole new set with new profs and everything. Oh well there is nothing I can do but move forward. This semester has gone by so quickly. Before I know it winter will be over, then spring and I will be home!! That will be wonderful. Then I will be finished my first year as a University Student!

Life is good, I need to be careful to enjoy what I am doing now, rather than being concerned about the future.

I'm engaged!

Okay so this may come off as  a rant, but its not really its just ... okay maybe its a bit of a rant
Boys are great sometimes! they can be so helpful and fun and great to talk to. I find it way easier to make friends with boys than with girls typically. but sometimes.... what is wrong with them!?!
I go through so long where it feels like I can't get a boy to notice me, but then suddenly there are all these boys asking me on dates. I know why am I complaining? because although they are really nice guys I like to be friends with, I am not interested in dating them. Or anyone else really for that matter. At the moment I feel like I am consumed with school and cheer and catching up on sleep... I know its selfish, but the time I have free I typically like to just chill and watch a movie or hang out with friends. Not be forced to stay up late with someone I'm not really interested in. Just because curfew is midnight doesn't mean you need to hang around till then. Why are people around here not content with just being friends. Everyone is looking to date or make out or get married (not necessarily in that order lol) I know I really shouldn't be complaining but I'm just getting sick of having to be nice and go out with people or being worried I'm going to offend them and being forced to explain that I don't want a boyfriend right now. Rexburg is being over run with people just looking to date anything that is female I mean 4 dates in 7 days, this is getting ridiculous.
I only write this because no one really reads this blog and I'm pretty sure none of the boys do. If one of you does read this know it doesn't necessarily apply to you personally... some of the dates have been really fun and a couple i really did want to go on! put yourself in with that group. I don't mean to sound like I am bragging or anything, I'm just getting a bit exasperated! I think I need to tell the world I'm engaged or something to avoid it! I started wearing my young womens ring again. I stopped wearing it to avoid scaring boys away, bad call!
p.s. i'm experimenting with color and font sizes to make it more interesting :)

White Fluffiness

we have had the most beautiful weather here i Rexburg Idaho. On Saturday I felt as if summer was still going it was so beautiful. T-shirt and shorts day (if we were allowed to wear shorts :) Sunday was a bit chillier and it looked as though it might rain. Monday it began... Oh SNOW how I missed you! who would have thought? Buckets and buckets. It now suddenly is winter, the branches are laden with gorgeous white and if you can find anywhere that people haven't walked it is absolutely beautiful! I feel suddenly like home and Christmas! I needed this to wake me up to enjoying continuing on being here. It is so beautiful! I just love wearing coats and scarves and gloves. The only problem is the slush... yesterday my footwear was definitely not good for preventing slipping and although I didn't quite biff it I nearly did. So last night I went to the store to try and get some boots but unfortunately couldn't find any that I liked. Sad day. Luckily I have a small pair that will have to do for now but I should probably find something a little better soon...

no i did not take this picture but it is pretty anyways 

Grocery Rant

In Rexburg Idaho there are multiple places to shop for groceries, Albertsons, Walmart, Broulims..etc. Personally I began shopping at Albertsons and I quite enjoyed it. I even have a cool little card that makes me feel all grown up ;). Then a few people kept telling me that Broulim's was cheaper so finally this month I caved and tried it out. Well let me tell you. I was not happy! I bought cream on one night, the next morning when I went to open it there were all kinds of nasty chunks. When I went to the store to get a new one (which they kindly allowed me to get in exchange for the other) all of the creams were either expired by a few days, or within days of expiring. Not cool. The milk I bought, thinking that it would have a few weeks like it always did at Albertsons, expired within two days. The bananas that were green when I bought them have turned a brownish color over a few days, and the grapes that I carefully examined were mushy. Broulims I am not impressed! Take a guess as to where I will be shopping next?

Quick Week

Wow I hadn't realized that it has been so long since I last posted. So here's what has happened in a nutshell...
Halloween was lame. I dressed up as a fairy and that was fun but didn't really end up doing anything so it was disappointing.
Cheer is still a blast! I love trying new things and making friends with all the awesome people on the team. They are all so willing to help me out and give me tips and its just great! Also I have learned/ am in the process of improving on partner stunting. So basically this guy grabs my waist and tosses me up in the air then catches me on his hands. So sweet. This week our performance is combined so we have like a million stunt groups going at once and it is really fun and looks super sweet. I just hope that nothing falls and the girl back-flipping into a stunt doesn't fall/ i don't miss her foot :)
Lets see... I don't know what else happened over the weekend so i'll just talk about this week. It has gone by so stinking fast! I can't believe it is already Friday, not that I am complaining or anything. Wednesday was my roommates birthday so that morning we bought whip cream and strawberries and flowers and had a fun french toast breakfast with all the apartment roomies. It was super fun and Micahlyn was so happy! She left me the sweetest little note thanking me for the breakfast and it just made my day.
Thursday was the best day ever. I was really tired so I accidentally slept in a bit, and when I woke up I realized that Sydnie (other roomie) and i were supposed to go to the temple. So i quickly went into her room and told her i forgot and asked her if she still wanted to go. She was a bit concerned about making it back for class and so i started hesitating and thinking that i would just put it off again. But she is awesome. She just looked at me and said lets go, jumped up and we got ready. it was so nice to finally be able to perform baptisms after trying twice and not being able to wait for our turn because of classes. Thanks so much to an awesome roommate who wouldn't let me bail! also it was nice because we got through really quick and made it back in plenty of time for class so now we have decided on a particular day and are going to try to go every week. Being at the temple just put me in the best mood all day and everything else just seemed wonderful. There was only on thing that could have improved the day but it was fine without it. I am so glad to have such awesome roommates who all try to keep me doing what I should and are always there for me when I need. Best girls ever!
P.S. I am trying to decide between a capital I or a lower case i. i know which is correct, but which looks cuter? any opinions? let me know

Dropped on my Head

Do you ever get that feeling like you are so in control. Everything is going your way and you are on top of all the stresses of life. Then all of the sudden its a bit overwhelming and you can't get in control and life is rushing by and you are racing to keep up. You're stuck watching and you know you should be running, but instead your in a fog. Zoned out. People talking and suddenly without realizing it you have quit listening.  It's like you have been dropped on your head. You were flying and suddenly wham.
Today I was literally dropped on my head during cheer. Nothing could really be done and it was probably mostly my fault, but it still didn't feel great. All fear of a possible concussion is gone now, i read on the internet and did some mini home tests and i think i'm okay so you don't have to worry. two other girls were hurt today and one even needed stitches so i consider myself lucky! still be careful out there, its a rough world...

mini rant... you know what i hate, when you do something and you then just have to wait and see what happens. so rather than stewing over it all the time you decide just to put it from your mind and not think about it. of course what do you spend all day thinking about? exactly what you decided to forget. it is the worst just sitting and waiting. knowing something is out of your hands and never really sure if you will know what is going to happen. i hate the fact that now, i have done my part and i just get to wait and see. or i will very likely just get to wait, and wait, and wait forever never knowing how the other party reacted or anything. there is nothing i can do and the ball is in someone else's court likely to never be passed back. this is tough. And i think technology has made it way worse. i am so used to instant answers, instant replies, instant information, instant boiling water (thanks to our old but wonderfully hot stove), that waiting has become something that i am not good at. i know that i will probably have to wait at least three weeks but i can't stop thinking about it and hoping that somehow i'll get what i want in two days. patience is a virtue, and i definitely do not posses it.

Me pretending to be a cheerleader... OH WAIT!!

My cute bow.

Life at the Moment

Well this morning i woke up just exhausted and in SO much pain! i love it! wanna know why? okay i'll tell you....
this week i joined the cheer squad. it all started on saturday when Chrissy and i decided that we wanted to watch a football game. i watched the cheerleaders and suddenly there was nothing i could do, i had to talk to someone and try to get on the team. so i did. tuesday i went to practice and didn't really do a lot because they were learning the new routine for saturday and i wasn't in it. so i watched and just learned the dance and stuff. i was a bit disappointed when i got home, but i thought it would get better. then thursday i came to practice and was asked to take the spot of a girl who quit the team. so i got to learn an entire routine (mostly stunting and i don't have to do the dance part) in a day. it was the best thing ever! i am mostly a front spot and flying twice but i love it. i'm pathetic because i am so sore but you know what that's okay because i haven't cheered since like march... maybe april. but anyways it is so fun to be back cheering! now my pressure is to remember the routine, not drop anyone (especially the girl who flips over another stunt into my arms) and to learn all the cheers by saturday so that i don't make a fool of myself :) GOOD LUCK!

now i would like to take a moment just to talk about my wonderful grandparents, and friends back at home... (sorry parents you will get a post eventually i promise!)
when i went home a few weekends ago my Nana and Pumpa being the wonderful kind people they are insisted on sending me back with a care package. at the time i was thinking ... oh that's not really necessary, but i was touched that they wanted to do that for me. Now i am just overwhelmed with how much i love them for it! they sent me homemade jam, and jelly, and fruit leather, and soups and apple sauce, and i just love it! I had the best meal last night with zero effort thanks to them and my wonderful Allison who also sent me back with homemade buns :) i got back from class around 6:45 ish completely exhausted from a long  day and i hadn't eaten since around ten in the morning. rather than having to cook anything, i just took some soup, heated it up, put on some cheese, buttered buns and ate a wonderful home cooked healthy meal! it was the best! Thanks Nana and Pumpa and Alli! your all the greatest!

The Beauties of Being a Freshman

1. living on your own for the first time
2. having roommates..fighting with those roommates... loving those rooommates
3. being on campus and actually belonging. not feeling like the little kid pretending. okay so maybe you still feel like it, but you aren't playing dress-up anymore it's actually real!
4. having a crush on every guy you see. tutor, fhe bro, home teacher, cute boy who smiles in class, boy who opens door, they're all free game ;)
5. gaining your own identity... changing that identity... being you, not someone's girlfriend, fiance, wife, you just get to be you for now. the rest of that lasts the rest of your life.
6. going to football games, dance nights, random concerts... all the stuff that is "lame" but your a freshman so you can pretend you don't know and get away with it.
7. being able to have no idea where your life is going and you know what? that's okay! ... for now...
8. loving university just because it's sweet and new and there is that feeling that it's not really that permanent. (just wait a couple years and i'm sure that wears off)
9. going out to dinners and realizing that people don't see you as some little annoying kid but like your an actual person... well some of them
10. just being... moving breathing doing homework eating. LEARNING and being able to still be so excited about it!

Pictures

These are the pictures I took for my Heroic Journey class.

I want to get a nice camera and take nice pictures. There is just so much beauty in life!

My Beautiful Pyper 

A delicious Candy Apple i bought from an adorable little boy selling door to door :)

(this was because i needed a picture with an apple theme)

And my favorite... a landscape picture from beautiful Magrath! 

ps i took about 100 pictures while home this weekend :)

Back In Idaho

Wow good to be home! (well my part time home i guess) It was so nice to go back to beautiful Magrath and Canada! Our home and native land. i can't believe how beautiful it is back home. i took around 100 pictures because i need a landscape picture for my heroic journey class. now the problem is i just can't decide which is the most beautiful! i love it back home and i don't think i would ever have appreciated the beauty that is magrath unless i had left it.
now its back to school, and homework. got a bit of catching up to do but i think it will be fine. last week i was complaining about having too much free time on my hands... be careful what you wish for eh?
ok so right now i am sitting in my room blaring classical music into my already aching head. why you ask? because i am taking a humanities class and i absolutely love it! we are required to memorize all these classical music pieces, 25 to be exact. we need to know the composer, name of the piece, and the style. this would seem like an odious assignment yes? no! i love it. i also loved having to memorize 30 pieces of art, their painters, and the style. i just feel like i am learning so much and it is just making me so cultured! this weekend i was discussing with my bro. chance how much better life can be if we know how to appreciate beauty and i think that is what the humanities does for you. it just makes you a better person because you can appreciate life more! and there is so much to appreciate:)

Just A Bit About Me

I am currently in University at BYU-I and absolutely loving it! I love my classes and my family and my roommates and just everything. 

Okay so far I just sound like an overly happy kind of annoying person, but I'm really not. I used to consider myself a bit of a pessimist, but I managed to change that somehow. I still get down, don't get me wrong, but I just seem to feel like life is generally good most of the time. 

Mostly I am writing this so my blog doesn't look so blank. I'll come up with more interesting things to post later!