Christmas!!

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I've been a bit busy with CHRISTMAS! what a beautiful time of year! it has been so much fun to be here with family and spending time with siblings and just relaxing and doing nothing. Such an awesome season. Guess what? I got a camera so now i will probably be putting quite a few more pictures on here which will be grand i think. This year all my siblings were here together. How lucky are we! Here are a few pictures of Christmas day.

The best part of Christmas! I can't take credit for sewing the apron because I bought that, but I can take credit for the oven mitts and the chef hat! We didn't think there would be a chance of getting her to wear the hat but she let us put it on her then became this little model surrounded by the family paparazzi. Cutest thing I have ever seen! She is such a little doll! By the way she also got a kitchen set for Christmas from Santa so that was kind of the theme.

I always worry about giving gifts. You want them to be liked and you want to get something that people will appreciate and used, not just something that will get tossed to the back of the closet. For my brother I purchased an art set. This was really nice to see minutes after he had opened it..

Okay so now i have this problem. I think I want to be an ultra sound tech, but I'm not sure. I've been looking into it and it really seems like something i would want to do, but i don't want to quit Idaho, go to edmonton or calgary, start a whole new program, then discover i absolutely hate it. So I've been trying to do a job shadow while I've been at home, but Radiology Associates is closed all week, and couldn't take me last week. Did I mention I go back to school next week too. And at the hospital they don't allow people with no training. So what do I do. I'm scared to move forward without trying it out a bit, but I need to start moving forward and trying to direct my life. But what if there is something i would rather do in university... I don't know what to do. I wish someone just had all the answers and could just point me in the right direction. Maybe the fact that I haven't been able to get a job shadow is a sign? sometimes I tend to be a bit blind to the obvious directions.

Janet

You know what I love? that its finals week and I don't feel like I am going to die. I mean don't get me wrong, i was stressed but that was more last week. I worked really hard to not only stay on top of things and get all my stuff handed in on time, but I worked to get them handed in early. Days early, a week in one case. Its beautiful because now I am just studying for my last two tests and not completely overwhelmed. On the other hand... I almost wish I was more stressed because then maybe I would be more willing to study rather than writing this post... well too late now.
May i just throw this out there... how can there possibly be so many cute guys in one school. I feel like i'm blushing almost all the time haha
Okay so you want to hear a story about some awesome friends. On Sunday a couple of guys called me up and said, "hey we're going caroling at an old folks home, wanna come?"  First of all how many boys in the college/high school age group would even think of doing something like that. Not many that I know. And even better, yesterday one of the boys calls me and says "hey I promised Betty I would come back and visit her, so I was going to go today. You wanna come?" Not only did he go to the old folks home in the first place but then he was going to go back, because he promised. Did I mention the fact that these ladies don't remember you two minutes into the conversation? What an awesome kid. So I went with him and while he was visiting with Betty I sat down at a table and visited with Janet, Burle, and Marilyn. I had the best time talking to those 3 women. Janet is just a kick in the pants and kept me laughing the entire time! It is so fun to hear about their past and what they think was their past (like I said they can't remember it all correctly). One of the best things about coming to Idaho was meeting people like Brett who don't think about what other people think, but are just good guys all around no matter what. And he's not the only one. there are so many good people in the world i just love it! Dance class was the best class because of the friends I made in it. I hope that I can be that type of person...
I wish I had a picture of Janet with one of those little jam packets balanced on her head!

College Christmas

The other day my roommates and I were feeling sad that it is nearly Christmas and if you were to look at our apartment you really can't tell. So we decided to decorate... these are the results!

Our Beautiful Christmas tree made of green tissue paper! 

Real Live (ish) Mistletoe! any takers? haha 

Amanda's Beautiful Glass Nativity (and syd's coke bottles)

And imagine me looking very excited for Christmas! While really just avoiding studying 

Basically the last caption represents my life in a nutshell. Studying for finals.... or more avoiding studying... Can you blame me though? But I am caught up on all the essays which is a major achievement! now its just studying for the actual tests.. who really needs them anyways lol 

Can I just say that I love teachers who decide they want to make your life easier and just drop assignments, essays, lowest test scores, lowest three assignments. Its a beautiful thing!

By this time next week I will be home! and not just for a weekend. Legitimately home for a whole 2 and a half weeks! what a blessing! and to boot during that two weeks there is Christmas, with caroling and spending time with family and giving all the beautiful gifts i have planned! I'm so excited. Eggnog, singing, Christmas music, life is just great at this time of year!

Also while I am at home I will hopefully be getting one step closer to finding out what I want to do with my life! cross your fingers for me that it all works out, okay? 

P.S. letters are the most amazing thing in the world. isn't it funny how one simple thing can boost your spirits for days?

...Untitled...

I don't know exactly where this post is going to go. I'm just gonna talk.
Life is stressful. I want a boyfriend, but then I think about it and I really don't. I love my life where I am right now. I love school, I love cheer, I love my roommates and being out on my own, but what I want is a Boy  Friend. A guy who I can hang out with and have a really good time. Maybe someone who is a secret crush. Where there is potential, but just not right now, you know? I know it doesn't make sense, but its the way I am feeling right now. I miss the solidarity of my friends at home. You always know that you have people to hang out with and spend your friday night with. No stress, no forced friendship, its just the way it is. Funny thing is I remember being so sick of still being stuck with the same friends all the time and wanting to move on and be with cooler people. I'm such a fool! I miss my cool friends! I'm lucky because I have two of my best-est friends here! I still miss the boys though!
You know who I miss most though, two of the most wonderful girls ever! They are spread out and don't have me and I don't have them. They are growing up and making friends and meeting people who I don't know. I don't get to be there protecting them or sharing in their experiences. They are liking boys and getting in fights and I don't hear about it. I hate that! Its not like I can expect them to update me on every aspect of their lives, we all need to grow up and begin our own separate lives, but I feel like I am missing out on part of my life because I'm not with them. That's silly, I know. The worst thing is when life is hard for them and I can't be there and fix it. My poor girls are going through such hard things, some of the hardest that could ever happen, and I can't help. I don't know how to help. I used to feel like I had a lot of answers. I could understand people and solve problems, but now I don't know what happened. Suddenly the problems got a lot BIGGER. And more lasting. and I don't know how to solve them. I realize now more than ever how little I do know. I have know idea. and that scares me.
Even if I can't fix things I just wish that I could somehow be there for my girls. That I could hug them and cry with them and let them know that it would be okay. even though I don't know how. How do you make someone understand that there are people who love them. How do you take them in and convince them they are wanted and that it won't be awkward. How do you keep a time that should be special... magical when suddenly it is completely different from where you felt the magic before. Everything is different this year for my girls and I just wish I could make it possible to go back.
I am so lucky. I went through my struggles and really life changing hard times when I was younger. The things that happened molded my life and me into who I am. They didn't alter a life I had already built. I built around them, they didn't demolish what I constructed. How do you pick up the rubble and find a way to create something more beautiful than what you had before?

Add caption