April At Last!

A year ago at this time I was set to attend BYU provo. This coming weekend was the weekend when I went down to conference and visited campus and loved it! Pictured myself there, picked out housing, did my best to memorize campus in a day, and scoped out all the many attractive men that were going to be in my dating pool the coming fall (baha yeah right!) My life was figured out, at least for four years anyways. 

"Now wait!" you may be thinking, "I thought you were at BYU-I?" well you would be correct, I am! My future that was all planned out completely changed one day as I found myself facing challenge after challenge regarding BYU. Looking back now I see that these were hints to a rather dense chloe that I was not supposed to be attending that particular BYU. 

So then, after adamantly refusing to even consider it, I found myself changing my plans and begging BYU-Idaho to let me in for the fall semester without actually applying anywhere near the deadline. (I was a foolish youth I know haha) Everything worked out so perfectly and now I have been here for the past two semesters. And I have loved every minute of it! I can't believe that I ever thought of this as a lesser school because it is not! BYU-I has everything anyone could want, plus more! These past six months have been some of the best of my life and I have made some really truly wonderful friends while being here. and yet I find myself preparing to leave. 

When I came to school at BYU-I, I was picking a school, but I didn't pick a career. I don't know why, but I have never really known what I would like to do for the rest of my life. I just love so many different things and am interested in so many different parts of the world, that focusing on one and imagining myself doing that for the rest of my life has been hard for me to do. But in recent months I think I have found that one thing.

Back in January I applied to the Diagnostic Medical Sonography program at Northern Alberta Institute of Technology (also known as NAIT). This program would prepare me to become an Ultrasound Tech. I don't know exactly why, but this seems like something I could really enjoy and see myself doing for the rest of my life. But there is just one small problem... The program is really hard to get into. First your prerequisites will be looked over in order to see if you qualify to be short-listed. Usually you need somewhere around 90% I think to even be considered. Then if you are short-listed you will be invited in to an interview and a career investigations exam. After that you will find out if you have been accepted into the program. No Pressure...

Unfortunately for me one of the prerequisites includes physics 30. Guess what I didn't take in high school? You got it! 

I am a big believer in fighting for what you want, so for the past 3 months, along with being a full-time college student I have been taking physics 30 online. Would I recommend this to anyone? No. Is it possible? Yes. And all this time I have also been waiting to hear whether or not I have even been shortlisted. 

In case anyone doesn't know I am not the most patient person. I like to plan ahead and know where I am going, so these past months of waiting have left me very ... distraught, stressed out, insecure, take your pick of uncomfortable sounding adjectives. 

I was told that I should hear back from NAIT within the first couple weeks or about halfway through April. so now on the last day of March I just wanna say to April, "could you have taken any longer getting here?!"

 It feels like a lot is on the line for me based on the decisions of other people that I cannot control and that is really hard! but I know it will all work out eventually. Right? I guess I just need to keep my fingers crossed and my faith in someone else who knows everything that I don't. Wish me luck! 

Finally Finished!

Earlier this week I finally achieved my goal! I finally wore every article of clothing in my closet without wearing anything twice. I think I finished around March 23rd. Since I begun on January 22nd that means that I went two months. That is a lot of clothing in case someone didn't notice haha but you know what is sad? I really didn't want to throw away practically anything!! There were only a few things that I really decided I didn't want. But I have decided that I am going to get rid of a few things. But I don't want to just throw them away, i just want to find something good to do with them. I'll let you know when I figure out what that will be. But here are the final pictures (there are a few)

Oddly enough I thought that this experiment would make getting dressed and picking clothes easier, but it didn't. Now I just go to my closet and again find myself thinking . I don't like my clothes I don't want to wear them. But I wanted to wear them and liked them when my choices were limited... Someone explain that to me haha

a weekend of fun, to a week or two of work

So this past weekend Chrissy, Tara, and I decided to get away. We were kind of getting sick of Rexburg because we have been here without a break since January. Okay so I had a break, but two of my favorite girls were just dying to get away so we did. We went to Utah and did some shopping, movie watching, basketball game watching, eating (lots of it. Have you ever heard of Mimi's Cafe? It is delicious and so cute! I highly recommend the breakfast menu =)).
This weekend I came to a realization of my favorite feature on a guy. actually first I should tell you about a realization I had earlier in the week about guys.
You know how everyone always asks "what do you notice first in a guy?" Not, What is most important, but what do you notice first. Occasionally through life I have found myself facing this question and trying to come up with an answer but finding it very difficult to analyze my true feelings and first impressions. So last week for some reason I found myself walking from a class and looking at guys (of course who doesn't) around campus and I decided to actually pay attention to what I noticed first. So here it goes:

1. Clothing- if I see a guy who dresses well I am automatically interested in looking closer. I noticed this when I found myself thinking a guy was cute even though his back was to me and he had a hood up. All I could see was his clothes. And they were nice haha

2. Hair- This may seem kind of strange because I don't have a particular style of hair I like on a guy, but it just should look nice. It really depends on the guy though. I mean not all guys can pull of the same style so just figure out what looks good on you I guess lol. 

3. Face- This includes eyes smile etc. I would say smile is a big deal for most girls. A smile is the thing that you remember even after they are gone. The  thing that really makes you feel good. When you picture that all out complete smile that just lights up their face, you can't help but smile too! even if it is just to yourself. I find that too many guys seem to think smiling is lame, but trust me, we LOVE it!

I know this may seem very vain, but it is just something I thought of and this is my blog so I should be okay posting what I want right? You know what I love? Not look wise or anything like that, but I love the fact that everyone's tastes are different. I may think someone is cute and my friends may not. Or vice versa. But there is nothing wrong with that. I don't really know that there is always a reason behind my opinions, they just kind of happen and I think that is truly okay. The best part is that I can still have hope there will be someone who will find me attractive haha

The thing I realized that can really make a guy is a jawline. (I realized this while watching a movie this weekend) Tara knows the real word for the muscle, but it is long and I cannot manage to recall what she said. Probably would have a hard time spelling it too haha. Not that you need a good jaw to be good looking, but its nice sometimes haha girls am I right? 

Now I am nearing the end of my second semester at BYU Idaho. It has been so great and I truly love this school! I have learned so much and grown up a lot and had a great time doing it!  Now I have two weeks left of classes, followed by a week of exams, then it is time for students to go home and relax. I really wish I knew what i was going to be doing after that week though... 

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So I realize I haven't written for a while and that is mostly because I really don't know what to write about. Life hasn't been super exciting lately. Its mostly just me waiting to see where I am going to go. I am finding myself feeling down quite often and I know I shouldn't. I am so lucky for so many different reasons and I just need to learn to recognize them.
I'm lucky to be going to school.
To have grown up in such a great place where opportunities like education exist for me. I never once questioned whether or not I would be going to college. The only question was where? and what scholarships would I get to do my part to pay for it.
I'm lucky to have great friends who deal with my moods and love me anyways.
I'm grateful to have the confidence to be alone. And to be okay with it.
I am part of one of the best families in the world. Yeah we're messed up and not exactly what most people would call ideal, but i think you would have a very hard time finding a group of people who love each other more than we do. anywhere.
I am lucky to have people always encouraging me to do my best and press forward.
I'm lucky to be able to walk and run and dance. Those are some of the most important things in my life and I don't know what I would do without them.
I am incredibly happy that it is soon becoming SPRING! (cross your fingers that it doesn't snow tomorrow). I am sick of being inside and getting cabin fever.

   I just wish the not so wonderful thing that is always in the back of my mind would go away. I wish we could all be comfortable enough to say how we feel truly and not be scared of all the things we don't know. I wish that you would miss me, and if you already do then I wish you would say it.

You know what I am learning. Life isn't exactly how I want it to be. And that's okay because sometimes it is going to just be so much better. I know sometimes its not. But we all have to deal we the things that aren't perfect in order to appreciate all the things that ARE!


I just read the most perfect quote on my friends blog that goes with this.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, 

so as to have the life that is waiting for us"

-Joseph Campbell

Drifting

 I feel like I am floating. Drifting in a sea of indecision. 

My boat is one of insecurity, and my oars are made of the two opposing sides of an argument.

My compass does not have the directions of North, South, East, and West. Instead it has possibilities. They are not four, but many.

                 The needle is the most important part. The part that tells me where to direct my little boat. But the needle doesn't seem to be working. 

It spins and spins only appearing to rest on a decision for a moment. 

If it rests at all. 

No decision is wrong. They all seem to lead to some form of the sun. But which possibility will I pursue? When there are so many.

Don't hurry those watching me say, but I can see the morning breaking and 

would like to be settled on the ocean 

before the day begins.