Never Knowing

May I just say I get sick of never knowing. Not knowing the future, not knowing what others think, not knowing where i am going and not being able to understand how others think. Scratch that, I don't even know myself let alone other people! But I think all of it just comes back to not knowing...

Sometimes I get so worried, I mean I just want to be certain of something for once

But I tend to find that when I hit that point of certainty, its not really

CERTAIN. 

I mean I feel like I know what I want, and where I want to go. How I need to get there. 

And I make 

...a plan... 

Plans are stupid. 

I mean don't get me wrong, they are a necessary thing. 

"If you don't know where you are going then you are certain to never get anywhere."

But I feel like so often I make a plan just to change it. 

You know what I think part of the problem is? I am a major day dreamer. I think of something and picture all these different possibilities until I have myself convinced that my life is going to be heading in the direction that whatever triggered the day dream is sending me. It all seems like it will be, but then i realize a little while later that i have suddenly developed a new day dream. and then I find myself wondering 

'what happened to the old one...?'

And I'm not just talking about boys (I know that's what everyone is thinking).

I just wish for once that I could be sure when I start something that I'm not going to change my mind ten minutes later (hyperbole). That way I feel like I could throw myself into things more. But I get hesitant because I'm just worried because I can't make up my mind. How am I supposed to be a grownup and make life altering decisions when my mind has a major case of A.D.D.?

Maybe my problem is I just don't have enough faith. Not Faith in God, because I do have that. Just faith in life in general. Faith that everything will work out even when nothing is going wrong to make me believe otherwise. Faith to press forward and go with the way I am feeling right now. Maybe if I wasn't so hesitant my A.D.D. wouldn't kick in. I should try that. Try to just let my hair down. Maybe even try to have a little more faith in other people. And mostly to have a little more faith in MYSELF...

Problem is... I get scared...